Revisiting my 90s

These are the kind of memories you have of the nineties if you, like me thought your older brother was the cooles and radest person in the world and you'd listen to EVERYTHING he listened to. I think the nineties where better for us lucky ones with older siblings to look up to and whom would scare the pants of anyone who dared bully their little sister. (There where a few bastard bullies since the nineties where a time of religious freedom, which in turn meant my parents where free to remove me from all the Christianity based lessons in school... Since being tall, shy and thin wasn't enough!)


Man-voice be damned, I sooo wanted to be her!





This was my hero when I was about ten-elevenish (before he got all weird and somewhat of a violent paedophile...) and this was my favourite song... "Spiritually raped" In hindsight and my limited grasp of the English language aside I might have felt this man and particularly this song understood my feelings towards religion, in my case, Jehovah Witnesses. I did feel spiritually raped. It sounds harsh, but involuntary religious upbringing of that magnitude is a form of mind-rape! I still get the cry/sweats every time my mum asks me if I want to come with them to a meeting...




I can't forget the other heroes of mine in the nineties. I feel a slight pattern of tom-boy girls... and Johnny Depp because he was soooooo dreamy!

Hare Krishna

Siren

Lets make fun of the Bible!

I’m feeling a wondrous spirituality bubbling in my boyish frame today. This might come as a surprise to some of you, seeing as how I have certainly mocked religion enough in my time. Maybe the reason for this sudden burst of worthless doctrine curiosity is the sound of the Top Gear lads beaming with dim-witted middle aged car-fancy from my telly, or perhaps it’s the overwhelming boredom of having nothing else to watch on the four channels my current financial state allows me, than a repeat of fat, greying, comically proportioned men cocking everything up…on purpose…in cars… I don’t even have a fucking drivers licence!

Growing up in a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses I’ve been lucky enough to read the Bible; numerous times. But even in a time in my life where I was increasingly susceptible to brainwashing of any kind, (I had Pogs, the Spice girls photo albums, the blue eye-liner and the “let’s go smoke behind the school” coolness) I could still sense that some of the Bible was just a smidgeon far-fetched… Until, of course, I found that the Bible also has a different name: The Gospel, which means infallible truth. Well then, that’s settled, screw you Darwin!

Let us then look a little closer at this “infallible truth,” not all of it of course, but the funny bits: creation!
1: In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
How? What did you do? Snap your fingers, do a little jig and there it was? Do you have fingers? Who the hell are you? Are you saying that were too stupid to understand the ways of God in this lack of detail? Then why didn’t you just make us smarter? I could have had a life without walking into glass doors, bumping my head on the car roof every time I get in or out and drinking to much!
3: And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
What?! You created the heaven and the earth in the dark? Not so smart now then, stumbling around in the universe, pretending that it only took seven days to make it all, but really you spent ages stumbling around in an eternal darkness, waving your arms around like a confused blind cripple trying to find his way back to the wheelchair some little “miracle” moved to the other side of the traffic-riddled street, trying to find what you just created.
4: And God saw the light, that it was good
Every one wants to be their own critic…

I feel I am being a little flippant and disrespectful about these divine scribblings of men undergoing a schizophrenic discourse with a deity to explain our presence here on earth; but why would a supreme being create the Garden of Eden where man, woman, plant and animal could live in perfect harmony only to create a tree you’ll die from eating of and an evil blabbermouth-snake whose sole purpose is to reek havoc and gain power? It’s an accident waiting to happen and moreover, it’s a snake, just kick it out! You created it!
Where was God when snakey-boy persuaded Eve to eat from the tree anyway? Did he pop out for a fag? Take an ill-timed nap?
It almost seems like God made it all happen for fun. This is where we got the idea for reality television, someone with too much power puts innocent people in an impossible situation and watch them making complete twats of themselves.

At least God took the moral high ground and punished them for his own creative mistakes… Adam has to work and sweat in the fields and Eve is bestowed pain and sorrow in childbirth and they will both die at some point. Not ideal, but its something we humans can live with. The snake on the other hand, the one who started it all with his evil ways and serpents persuasive tongue and who was probably expecting the ass-whooping of a lifetime. What was his extravagant and somewhat irksome punishment? "Upon thy belly shalt thou go…" IT’S A SNAKE! He’s already on his belly, it’s one of the paradigmatic characteristics of a snake to be ON HIS BELLY…

I think I might be feeling something other than Christian spirituality and that I should stop writing before I get killed. It might be to late, but Moses is just making it to easy to mock in this superficial way!

Hare Chrishna

Siren

Up jumped the Devil

Welly welly welly welly welly well, I’m ecstatic to learn that AT LEAST three people actually read my first ever venture into the infinite universe of blogging. I’m actually considering changing the name of my blog from the current clockwork orange inspired My Bloggy Wog to something closer resembling the writings of the twats behind some of our more widespread monotheistic doctrines. Sirenism does have a nice ring to it and I think my flamboyant personality might at least conger up some kind of a spiritual connection between some of the less fortunate, intelligencewise, amongst us here on the planet of Sirenia. Unfortunately the sirens and sirenism already resonates with somewhat of a differently “meaning” amongst people with interest and knowledge about Greek mythology. If only my name was Ariel! I could have been a maverick, changed the world with the help of my jet-red, mysterious and not to mention sexually enticing hair! Jesus was the bearded man of the past and I would be the ginger vixen of the future!!

Anyway, I am truly happy that people are taking an interest in the ramblings of a mad woman. It is truly heart-warming and it proves to me the eternal truth of any religion: It’s not the size of congregation, it’s the motion of the devotion.

You’ll be happy to learn that you’re already becoming somewhat of an online psychiatrist in the sense that I can pour my heart out to you and you might choose to listen if you are thus inclined. But then again you become superior to the average shrink/quack/dandified drug dealer because you don’t have to pretend to scribble down anything on the lustrous pad one might find resting on a “doctors” lap and you need never give me any constructive feedback… (As you might notice, everything I know about psychiatry is rudely stolen from American television)

Sadly, at this point I have completely forgotten what I set out to write about, but worry not my little sexoid. I shall use the immense power of my intellect to stare blankly at my screen.

HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER, someone just did the stomp-your-feet-angrily-on-the-floor-to-shut-your-loud-downstairs-neighbour-up bit. I say bit, but I really mean terrifying soundtheater of Asmodai. I fully understand that I can be charmingly annoying to be around, IN PERSON, but I try not to annoy faceless neighbours through walls and roofs… The chances might be slim of me ever having to confer with them about matters of importance, but still, I enjoy the polite greetings of a neighbour!

It's me! (Look at me go, blogging away like some crazed bloggin' lunitic)

I must now leave you in the very capable hands of yourselves. Read, enjoy, wank off to, whatever your heart desires and please comment. Comment constructively, deconstructively, lovingly, demonstratively, anonymously, flamboyantly, just for a laugh or post a photo of yourself flipping me off if you want to, my blog is your playground!

Sampai Jumpa and eternal bliss to you all

Siren